Global Warming, Ice caps melt people die!!!!!! or not?
Posted by Thomas Weaver on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 Under: Global Warming?
So I had just finished cleaning rooms at work today and was sitting in the office on a break when I had my first stoke of brilliance that I knew I needed to write down since about 2005 or 2006 and here it is:
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As ocean levels begin to rise when the ice caps melt the people of the world should grab any plastic container with a seal-able lid they can find, the bigger the better. These containers are then filled with water and sealed. After the sealing you just bury the bottle underground. Everyone should continue doing this until either A) global warming ends and the ocean levels stabilize, B) the ice caps fully melt, or C) humanity runs out of containers. Next we shall discuss the theory behind the solution.
The earth is approximately 70% water and 30% land. Which means that for every foot we get the global water levels to drop the elevation of all the land on earth will go up approximately 2.4 feet. This number is actually higher because I am not accounting for the volume which is occupied by the plastic and the air pockets between the containers. So even if there is not enough containers to collect water the entire time the ice caps are melting the substantial increase in elevation of all the continents should more than negate the level the ocean rises preventing flooding.
One argument that came up is there may not be enough soil on land to cover all this plastic. There is an easy fix for that. Just dredge the oceans and use that soil to bury the containers. This will do three things for us: 1) this will make the oceans deeper meaning there is more room in the ocean for water without flooding, 2) it will provide something to get hide the inherent shininess of many types of plastic (if we don't get rid of the shininess nothing will ever get done because as we all know people are very a...ttract...ed....to…ooooo look shiny), and 3) the volume of the dirt dredged from the ocean will help increase our elevation faster saving some plastic for man-kind which as we now know cannot have a meaningful life without easy access to bottled water. We could also use the spare plastic to pollute the earth even more since when all is said and done we have eliminated the threat of mass extinction caused by ocean levels rising sue to Global
Warming.
If the government is still concerned that we will all die a horrible death of drowning then we can just not increase the elevations of useless places (e.g. uninhabited islands, China, Wyoming, Great Britain and other equally uninteresting places).
Since we have now effectively stopped the threat of global warming you can just sit back, through plastic in the regular trash (full of water of course) and enjoy that icy cold bottle of Evian…you've earned it.
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All that I edited between the above version and my handwritten version was minor ordering of words and changing shorthand to longhand. I admit it may not be up to par with the winching the moon to the earth to end world hunger that I figured out and drew up plans for back in 2005 or 2006 but it's up there.
On a different I am almost 1 week cigarette free. Well I took 2 puffs on Saturday or Sunday but couldn't stand it so I threw away the cigarette and went back inside. Today I noticed for the first time that I am actually starting to feel more like my old self (before the ship) than I have in a long time (and by that I mean more optimistic and though not any less sore than usual I just feel better), most of it is caused by the fact that I get to leave Japan very soon and I think part of that is the nicotine working its way out of my system. I can not wait to leave Japan and start the journey back to my amazing wife and beautiful daughter. I miss them so much but just a little bit longer and I will be home for good.
Crystal I don't know if you read this but I love you!!!!!!!
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As ocean levels begin to rise when the ice caps melt the people of the world should grab any plastic container with a seal-able lid they can find, the bigger the better. These containers are then filled with water and sealed. After the sealing you just bury the bottle underground. Everyone should continue doing this until either A) global warming ends and the ocean levels stabilize, B) the ice caps fully melt, or C) humanity runs out of containers. Next we shall discuss the theory behind the solution.
The earth is approximately 70% water and 30% land. Which means that for every foot we get the global water levels to drop the elevation of all the land on earth will go up approximately 2.4 feet. This number is actually higher because I am not accounting for the volume which is occupied by the plastic and the air pockets between the containers. So even if there is not enough containers to collect water the entire time the ice caps are melting the substantial increase in elevation of all the continents should more than negate the level the ocean rises preventing flooding.
One argument that came up is there may not be enough soil on land to cover all this plastic. There is an easy fix for that. Just dredge the oceans and use that soil to bury the containers. This will do three things for us: 1) this will make the oceans deeper meaning there is more room in the ocean for water without flooding, 2) it will provide something to get hide the inherent shininess of many types of plastic (if we don't get rid of the shininess nothing will ever get done because as we all know people are very a...ttract...ed....to…ooooo look shiny), and 3) the volume of the dirt dredged from the ocean will help increase our elevation faster saving some plastic for man-kind which as we now know cannot have a meaningful life without easy access to bottled water. We could also use the spare plastic to pollute the earth even more since when all is said and done we have eliminated the threat of mass extinction caused by ocean levels rising sue to Global
Warming.
If the government is still concerned that we will all die a horrible death of drowning then we can just not increase the elevations of useless places (e.g. uninhabited islands, China, Wyoming, Great Britain and other equally uninteresting places).
Since we have now effectively stopped the threat of global warming you can just sit back, through plastic in the regular trash (full of water of course) and enjoy that icy cold bottle of Evian…you've earned it.
---
All that I edited between the above version and my handwritten version was minor ordering of words and changing shorthand to longhand. I admit it may not be up to par with the winching the moon to the earth to end world hunger that I figured out and drew up plans for back in 2005 or 2006 but it's up there.
On a different I am almost 1 week cigarette free. Well I took 2 puffs on Saturday or Sunday but couldn't stand it so I threw away the cigarette and went back inside. Today I noticed for the first time that I am actually starting to feel more like my old self (before the ship) than I have in a long time (and by that I mean more optimistic and though not any less sore than usual I just feel better), most of it is caused by the fact that I get to leave Japan very soon and I think part of that is the nicotine working its way out of my system. I can not wait to leave Japan and start the journey back to my amazing wife and beautiful daughter. I miss them so much but just a little bit longer and I will be home for good.
Crystal I don't know if you read this but I love you!!!!!!!
In : Global Warming?
Tags: "global warming" smoking death plastic pollution "shiny object"
